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The Trollgod proposes a race through the caverns under Khazan.



 Monsters need action. Minions need entertainment.  Champions need testing.  Rulers need spectacle.  To accomplish all these things, the Trollgod decided to have a race through the caverns beneath the City of Khazan.  He set the wheels in motion, and one day a large group of citizens trooped down through the Khazan Hall of Justice to the pits that lay below the streets.

As the celebrities filed in and took their places of honor, one of the contestants strolled around and did his impression of a minstrel. 

 Tmuwo said . . .

I’ll sing us a song called Loneliness

As I strum my sturdy kalimba

A song about gaming Troll entertainers

Who had been compared to the Roomba

They had cleaned up the competition

In a T&T Wacky Race

So none would further challenge them

And that was a total disgrace

For to disappoint the mighty Trollgod

Is a sin most vile and foul

This game is for the daring and valiant

Not those who would cower and kowtow

Please break our loneliness, Trollhallans

Join us in this race of four rules

Drop your excuses, we need not these abuses

For to the winner go fame, gold, and jewels!

The song left most of the listeners mystified, but that was fine with Tmuwo.  He was making it up as he went along.  He had a pleasant voice–for a troll–and a random sense of music–he plinked and plunked on his instrument as a sort of counter point to the half-chanted poem.  Members of the crowd similed indulgently, and didn’t really pay much attention.

Another one of the racers took a corner position on the platform and declaimed a bit of poetry for himself.

Gimor Ironfang said . . .





Who knows what’s in store?

Naked Doom awaits your Troll gang!

In your race for survival, let the chaos begin!


 The wizard of Trollhalla was chosen to give pre-race commentary.  Although the competition had been open to all, most of the members of Trollhalla had chosen not to compete, and he was no exception.  He did, however, want his 20 seconds of fame, and so  . . .

Khayd’haik said . . .

We are here beneath rhe Khazan Hall of Justice where the tension is as thick as the hide of a hobb past his “eat-by” date. The racers scramble to outfit themselves as poorly as they can before the great race begins. This is shaping up to be one of the biggest events in Trollhalla history, and everyone that’s anyone in Trollworld is expected to be in attendance. It is rumored that even Lerotra’hh, the Death Goddess, may be here incognito to see who performs the best, that she may take them as her personal bodyguard when this is all over. We will bring you more on this story as it develops.

Middleclaw said  . . .

What do you mean, incognito?  There she is, right over there, talking to the Trollgod.

Khayd’haik said . . .

You’re messing up my monolog, Middleclaw.  Cool it, or I’ll turn you into a frog or something. (Then in more official tones)  Yes, the Death Goddess, Liberator of the Monster Kindreds here in Trollworld, is indeed in attendance.  What an honor it will be for our brave contestants to perform for her and the Trollgod today!

Taran Sniperuruk said . . .

Do you suppose there’s any truth to the rumor that the Death Goddess is trying to get the Trollgod to hire us out as gladiators in the Arena?

The gossip and speculaton raged on.  Meanwhile, a group of Gristlegrim’s Dwarves were setting up large screens of quartz crystal in various corners of the large stage.  The Dwarf God had recently perfected a new method of scrying that provided both sound and picture as if seen and heard by an overhead observer. Part of the fun of this race would be that the audience would get to watch every bit of it.

(to be continued)

Know Your Racers

Tmuwo – “Know Your Wacky Racer”


 Tmuwo is a male Troll. When not playing Naked Doom, he can often be seen wearing a red pointy hat, a blue baggy dress shirt with red vest, blue baggy pants with a black belt, and black boots. He likes to sing, whistle, and play various musical instruments while adventuring. He’ll trade news from the various lands in exchange for room and board in civilized lands.  He also likes to fight with spell and sword in dungeons deep. Those who have adventured with him have noticed that he prefers to cast spells while playing his favoured kalimba, and that when he does he seems to have more spell power than when he is without.

Official talent: Performance




  1. Great stuff, Khenn. Looking forward to reading more!

  2. Uruk! Uruk! Go team Uruk!

  3. Who are the contestants, please?

    • You will see who they are when part 2 is released. Anyway, you should remember. You were a spectator. Khenn

  4. Cool! Who did the awesome image of that handsome fellow in blue and red resting in a chair before the race?

    • Trollhalla member Grrreywulff did the portrait of Tmuwo. Kind of a different look for the bardic troll.

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